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Animal Jokes and Funny Animal Pictures

King of the Beasts

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One day, a lion decided to prove he was king of the beasts. He went up to a monkey and asked, "Who is the mightiest of all animals?"

The monkey replied, "You are, oh master."

Then the lion went up to a zebra and asked, "Who is the mightiest of all animals?"

The zebra said, "You are, sir."

Next the lion went up to an elephant and asked, "Who is the mightiest of all animals?"

The elephant picked him up with his trunk, slammed him on the ground several times, then threw him up in the air. When the lion landed at the elephant's feet, he said, "OK, then. You didn't have to get violent because you didn't know the answer."

The Texan and the Aussie

A Texas farmer decided to take a vacation in Australia. Driving through the countryside, he stopped to chat with a farmer. The Aussie was glad to show him around his farm. His showed the Texan his wheat field. The Texan said, "Our Texas wheat fields are twice that size."

Then the Aussie showed him his herd of cattle. The Texan said, "Our longhorns are twice that size."

When the Texan saw a herd of kangaroos, he said, "What are those?"

To which the Aussie replied, "Don't you have grasshoppers in Texas?"

Try Try Again

A baby turtle started to climb up a tall tree. Finally reaching the top after about an hour's struggle, he climbed to the edge of a branch, spread his flippers and jumped off. After landing on a soft pile of leaves, he got up, shook himself off, walked to the bottom of the tree and started to climb again.

After about an hour, he reached the top. Climbing to the edge of a limb, he spread his flippers and jumped off. He again landed on a soft pile of leaves. Getting up and brushing himself off, he walked to the bottom of the tree again and started to climb.

About an hour later, he reached the top. He climbed to the edge of a limb and jumped off. After again landing on soft leaves, he got up, shook himself off, walked to the bottom of the tree and started to climb.

Two birds were watching the whole thing from a branch of the tree. Mommy bird said to Daddy bird, "Don't you think we ought to tell him he's adopted?"

Elephant and Kangaroo

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?

Great big holes all over Africa.

Camel Joke

A mother camel and her baby were walking one day. The baby camel asked, "Mommy, why do we have such big, three toed feet?"

"Those are to keep us from sinking in the sand when we walk in the desert."

"Oh," said the baby. A little while later she asked, "Mommy, why do we have such long eyelashes?"

"Those are to keep the sand out of our eyes when the wind blows in the desert."

"Oh," said the baby. A little while later she asked, "Mommy, why do we have this big hump on our backs?"

"That is to store water when we travel long distances in the desert."

"Oh," said the baby. "But Mommy, why are we in the San Diego Zoo?"

Long Lived

What has more lives than a cat?
A frog. It croaks every night.

Cow Jokes

When a cow has just had a calf, what do you call her?
Decalfinated.

Where do cows go on a date?
To the moo vies.

When are cows always penniless?
Because the farmer milks them dry.

Why did the milking stool have only two legs?
Because the cow had the udder.

Two ladies from the city were driving through Vermont when they came upon some cows.

What do the cows in Hawaii wear?
Moo Moos.

"Oh, what a cute bunch of cows," said one.
"Not bunch, herd," said the other one.
"Heard of what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Well, of course I've heard of cows."
"No! A cow herd."
"I don't care what a cow heard. I've got no secrets to hide!"

What does a bored cow say when she wakes up in the morning?
It's just an udder day.

What do you call the spots on a black and white cow?
Holstains.

What do you get from forgetful cows?
Milk of Amnesia

When a bull stands in the pasture with his eyes closed, he's bull dozin'.

NASA recently launched some cows into space to orbit the Earth.
They called it "The Herd Shot 'Round the World."

Where do the Russians get their milk?
From Moss Cows.

Why do cows wear bells around their necks?
Because their horns don't work.

Funny Cat Jokes

Funny Dog Jokes