Funny Dog Jokes

Talking Dog For Sale

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Driving through the back roads in a rural area of the country, a man comes upon a house with a sign that says:  Talking Dog For Sale

Curious, the man stops and knocks on the door. "Do you really have a talking dog?" he asks.

"Yup," says the man. "He's in the back yard."

The man goes into the back yard and sees a brown mutt. "Can you talk?" he asks.

"Sure," says the dog.

"Well, what's your story?" asks the man.

"I started talking at a very young age. When I grew up, I offered my services to the CIA. They were amazed and flew me all over the world to sit in on secret meetings. No one ever expected a dog to be spying, so they spoke freely. I'd report what I heard to the CIA when I returned. They named me the most valuable spy for seven years running. But I got tired of jetting around all over the world, and I wasn't getting any younger, you know. So I came home and got a job with airport security. I'd wander around and listen to shady dealings, then report what I heard. They gave me a bunch of metals. Then I got married and had a bunch of puppies. Now I'm just retired."

The man went back inside. "How much do you want for that dog?"

"Ten dollars," said the man.

"Ten dollars! Why only ten dollars?"

"Because," said the man, "he ain't done none of that stuff."

Dalmatians

As the third grade class was going over its arithmetic lesson, a fire truck sped past with its siren blaring. In the front seat was a Dalmatian. As discussion started as to why the Dalmatian was there. One kid said, "They use him to keep the crowds away from the fire."

"No they don't," said another. "He's for good luck."

A third kid put an end to the discussion. "That's not why," he said. "They use him to find the hydrant."

Cute, Little Dog

A man walked into a store and spied a cute, little dog. He asked the store owner, "Does your dog bite?"

The store owner replied, "No."

So the man reached out to pet the dog. The dog bit him. "I thought you told me that you dog didn't bite!"

"He doesn't." said the store owner. "That's not my dog."

Dog at the Bar

At a bar, out in the old west, men sat around playing cards. Some stood at the bar, drinking beer.

Suddenly the door is flung open. In comes a dog, waking on two legs. He'd dressed in a leather vest and has a six shooter hanging at his side. His front leg is bandaged to the knee.

Silence descends on the room. The card playing and drinking stop. The dog walks in and says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

Liver and Cheese

Three good looking boy dogs were walking down the street. As they rounded the corner, there in front of them was this gorgeous girl poodle. The three dogs practically ran over each other trying to be the first to greet her. As it turned out, they all got there at the same time. Each began trying to impress her.

"OK," says the poodle. The one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' intelligently in a sentence can go out with me."

The black lab says, "I love liver and cheese."

"Brother," says the poodle. "That shows no imagination whatsoever."

Next, the golden retriever says, "I hate liver and cheese."

"That's worse than your friend here," she says.

Finally, the Chihuahua, in his south of the border style, says, "Liver alone. Cheese mine."